nausetlight

documenting
life through lyrics and natural law

a message to a friend, a reminder to myself.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke

Tragedy strikes. Another man down.

Heavy heart blinks awake with a distant but distinct breath of vulnerability. Could it be? 

 aseaofquotes:

— Pablo Neruda
Heavy heart blinks awake with a distant but distinct breath of vulnerability. Could it be?

aseaofquotes:

— Pablo Neruda

(via aseaofquotes)

revelations

I think of you every day. I thought that by 5 years out you wouldn’t still be such a presence in me. Truth is, you’ll always have a presence in me.

The maintenance of your presence is automatic and beyond conscious thought. And then there’s the conscious maintenance too… listening to your music, looking at pictures, the unreturned phone call that had my heart racing as it always did for you. The conscious actions are an investment. I still invest in you as I do with these words. Unreturned. For me, only me, it is a rational one. To maintain the chance that this investment has any return, no matter how small, is worth it. 

Do I want it like this? No. For the first time, I will say that if I could unvalue you and stop this process, this madness, I would do it. But if I am to be tortured, I’m glad it’s for you. For you, I am joyful in my burden. I am humbled by you with every breath. 

Boundless joy to come. I am grateful. 

take this burden away from me.

cold is the night without you here,

just your absence ringing in my hear. 

long is the road that leads me home,

and longer still when I walk alone.

i ran like a speeding train,
cut my hair and changed my name,
only had myself to blame,
for the company i was keeping.

—the oh hello’s

lessons on loyalty and love

70 year old female has an elective pancreatectomy for a possibly malignant tumor.

"…so my husband and I decided it was my decision. I didn’t really care to do it, but when he found out there was a 70% chance of cancer, he was scared to death. I decided to have them take my pancreas out. Would I do it again? To be honest… no, I don’t think I would. Not for myself. But for him? Yeah, I would do it again for him." 

45 year old wife hasn’t left the bedside of her husband on the liver transplant list as his liver suddenly fails again 10 years after his first transplant.

me: “you’re doing an incredibly impressive job of keeping up on his care. I don’t know how you do it.”

her: “well… I do it because I love him. when his liver first failed we never thought we’d be able to have another child after our son. now we have two daughters, 4 and 6. It was a miracle. I still believe in God. I still believe in my husband. I still believe he’s going to get through this.”